The Mental Load Is Real & It’s Undermining Women’s Wellbeing: CBT Therapists Perspective

Many women today are juggling more and more in addition to work and home life. Behind what might outwardly look like a functioning facade lies an often invisible burden known as the mental load. The seemilynever ending, group chats, emails, scheduling, planning, remembering, and managing of everything that keeps life running smoothly. While it may not always be visible, the impact on women’s wellbeing is real and significant.

What Is the Mental Load?

The concept of the mental load was powerfully illustrated in the viral comic “You Should’ve Asked” by French artist Emma read it here. In the comic, Emma highlights how women often carry the unseen responsibility of household and family management. From remembering to book dentist appointments to noticing when the toilet paper is running low.

It’s not just about doing tasks, it’s about being the one who thinks about them in the first place. This kind of emotional labour can lead to chronic stress, burnout, and feelings of resentment or isolation.

Why Does the Mental Load Matter for Mental Health?

When the mental load builds up unchecked, it can lead to:

• Constant feelings of overwhelm

• Difficulty switching off or relaxing

• Sleep issues

• Low frustration tollerance - increased irritability and frustration

• Low mood and reduced self-worth

• Strain on relationships

  
  

These aren’t just everyday annoyances. They are signs that the mental load is taking a toll on your mental health.

Why Is It Often Women Who Carry It?

Research and lived experience show that even in households with shared chores, the responsibility of remembering, planning, and organising often falls on the women in the household. Social conditioning, gender roles and generational expectations, all contribute to this imbalance.

In CBT therapy, many women express frustration at being the default parent or organiser, even when they have supportive partners or sytems around them. While I often hear, "but if I don't do it it doesn't get done" or “I’m the only one who thinks ahead.” Over time, this can lead feel a heavy weight to carry and can lead to feeling anxiety, guilt, and emotional exhaustion.

How CBT Can Help with the Mental Load

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a practical and evidence-based approach that can help women recognise and manage the emotional impact of the mental load. CBT can support you to:

• Recognise unhelpful thought patterns like perfectionism or people-pleasing

• Set realistic boundaries and prioritise self-care

• Communicate needs more clearly and assertively

• Challenge beliefs like “I have to do it all” or “I’m failing if I ask for help”

• Develop tools for managing stress and anxiety

  
  

CBT doesn’t promise to eliminate your to-do list, but it can give you the skills and mindset to navigate the load with more balance and resilience, lessening the impact on you.

Are you looking to start CBT?

I’m Rebecca Cox, a qualified and BABCP accredited CBT therapist based Dorset in the UK, offering compassionate, professional support for women navigating stress, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm. If you’d like to talk about how CBT could help, get in touch here.